photograph: prayers by johnny monahan

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

i think i have a cruise mate.

thank the heavens above. i have a cruise buddy. and i even know who she is. i hope she's a little crazy and i know she's fun so here's to you my cabo cruise roomie.

Monday, March 29, 2010

'you're closer than you think'

is a phrase i often see after doing the P90X workout. it's a great motivating slogan that i think is really true... in many aspects of life.

right now physically and spiritually, i'm hoping it's true.

physically, i would lazily give up to body jet lipo but when it costs a few cool G's i think, 'you're crazy'. a few thousand in the bank would be better for me than surgically removing my fat. i may have emergency auto repairs or even need surgery on some random condition (according to one of my recent loony dreams). so i tell myself, get your butt moving, and stop eating crap like chewy chips ahoys. then you'll have the body you want. you're closer than you think.

spiritually, i feel like i'm in a rut. i have no motivation to read and study the scriptures on my own or follow the sunday school lessons. but i do make sure (at the very least) to read a couple of verses before bed. and i remember to pray. if nothing else, i MAKE myself pray... kneeling at the side of my bed. none of this booty up in the air while on my bed. i figure if oprah does it this way night and day then so can i. anyway, i'm really looking forward to general conference this weekend. because right now, it may be the little push that i need. and i guess, i'm closer than than i think.

tennis

i hate it, but i love it. right now i'm loving it. why? could it be because there is a sexy coach i can admire as i learn? i attended a tennis boot camp saturday and really had a good time. if i'm feeling any better, i think i'll be back to ogle this same coach tuesday night. mutual has been conveniently cancelled as the parking lot is being re painted. now i just need to figure out how to get my flirt on.

with every sport i've engaged in, i find that i have always enjoyed the training and the practice more than the competition. why is that? i find more satisfaction in the practice than the play. maybe it's because there is disappointment when you lose while keeping score. nobody likes to lose. when play actually counts and the pressure's on, for me, the game often becomes more of the mind than of the body. i thought that i was tough-minded, but i have found players more stubbornly sound than i. i need to work on becoming more mentally strong.

so, how does one strengthen oneself mentally? if after losing a point or 3 or even a set, how does one calm oneself, re-assess and go back to basics? i am not sure, but that's what i want to work on. i need to get the basics soundly down and then be able to revert to them when it gets tough and play really counts. i'm sure there is a gospel lesson to tie into here... but i'm too mentally spent to do it. :)

i can't get sick.

i just can't. there are too many happenings in the near future for illness. so i'm hoping that writing about it will somehow prevent it. i may as well be wearing a big chain of garlic cloves around my neck.

right now i'm giving a certain homeopathic med a try. one of its inactive in ingredients: lactose. not good as i'm lactose intolerant. other than that, they seem to be working... either that or the power of positive thinking is in full force.

cold, cold, go away. don't ever come... not even on a rainy day. lactose, lactose, you're no fun. boiron, please make a drug that won't have none. tummy grumble, tummy ache you're the reason i'm up... that and all my crazy dreams of late. gas, gas, please hurry up and pass.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

cruise to cabo

the cruise to cabo is fast approaching and i have yet to find a cabin mate. i feel as though i have exhausted all my contacts. so if any of you out there in blogsville read this, please get the word out. it's a five day cruise discounted to $250. can't beat that. if you can't get a hold of me, it's because i don't know you and would probably not want to hear from you anyway but thanks for stopping by.

pride and prejudice (the shorter movie)

i believe i have discovered what role this particular romantic movie plays in my life. i used to think movies of this genre cruel and deceiving. i used to avoid them for fear of planting fantasies and false hopes into my mind.

but as these last few days have past, days with stints of loneliness and want, days with periods of a deep ache impossible to comfort, this movie has offered me a little hope. and why not hope i say?

why not hope for a companion 'so similar' as lizzie mentions to her father. why not hope for a gentleman who makes his intentions known? one who reveals his true feelings? a man who rights the wrongs he has made, a man who will love me despite my faults and shortcomings and will accept my family in all its dysfunction. why not hope for a provider? why not hope for shared or reciprocated attraction?

Monday, March 22, 2010

filing taxes single

this is my second year filing taxes single. (thank you turbo tax) the divorce was official in july of 2008. i don't know if i did it correctly but oh well, moving on.

there is a strange sadness in what i just did. an emptiness. i feel weird that i feel this way but i must still be grieving... or something.

sad that this part of life has been done alone when it wasn't those 8 consecutive years before, teary-eyed of what could've been, that expectations went unfulfilled, and lonely. not many deductions to report (for me) translates to dreams and goals erased but hopefully just put on hold.

this wouldn't be a journal if i never express the good the bad and the ugly. i guess this would classify as the bad.

self-pity parties are ok in my book, as long as they don't last more than an hour. i let it out. i'm moving on. i'm looking forward to what is to come.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

sushi

kicks my trash.

the end.

j/k.

current favorite sushi joint: spicy tuna
introduced by: the bonifazios
favorite roll: the 'burning night' hold the jalapeno & the 'these guys' roll
last eaten: tonight
taste sensations: salty, tad tart, spicy, tender and crunchy.
current experience: watering mouth.

5 places

i wish i could be in 5 places at once. this weekend, for instance, would we be a great time to have this super power. where would i be you ask? 1. after running the cirque du soleil fun run, breakfast at our traditional spot, hash house a go go. 2. my friend and hair stylist's baby shower. congratulations karissa! wish i could be there but your gift's being pre-delivered by yours truly the night before. 3. saint george to play tennis and pal around with the fawcetts and bambinos. 4. helping out at youth conference. not really, but i feel i have to mention it. 5. with a member of my family. i'm missing them. love you brother dear, hope your knee is healing swimmingly. i still envy your pretty legs. why did YOU get the best looking legs?

on a slightly related tangent, the following are my top 5 favorite places i've visited... in no particular order:

*chang mai
*cinque terra
*sedona
*istanbul
*driving pacific coast hwy

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

leslie's bambinos

(withholding names for sake of privacy)
since i don't have children of my own, i'm gonna brag about another dear friend's posterity. i got to spend the weekend with leslie and her family. her two beautiful blue-eyed toe heads are growing... brilliantly.

the eldest, a three year-old girl going on 25 is a very social and obedient one. i can't say enough about her. always pleasant, animated and very talkative, i was quite blown away with her knowledge of everything from the functions of the human body (i believe the heart is her current favorite), to the types of clouds in the sky. oh, and another thing, she knew ALL the lyrics to her favorite faith hill songs along with dozens of nursery and primary songs. she made me feel special as she made sure that everyone we interacted with knew who i was. thanks for introducing me to your friends and family :).

next, a two-year old boy full of energy. his cute little sing-y 'nope's were my favorite. he was more quiet but i know he's just soaking everything in. i wouldn't be surprised if one day he decided to write a dissertation on all the different dinosaurs. curious george, his show of choice, seems to teach these children some amazing things. thanks for being so fun and friendly.

Monday, March 15, 2010

to the meanie

at the vegas airport burger king, shame on you. you may think you are cool and slick with your east coast accent, your silver chains, your waxed chest (i didn't really see all of it but whatever) and your cubs leather jacket, but you aren't.

as the bumper sticker on my friend's blog states, "mean people suck". and you were mean! not to me, but to the lady taking your order. sure she was from another country, one of my ancestry, in fact. but she spoke well enough. you were the unclear one. so, don't try to pull the 'maybe i need to speak her language' card. as i recall, your order was completely retarded.

'i want no pickles and onions'. what are we all supposed to gather from that? you don't want both pickles and onions. everyone in line stood shaking their heads. you took way too much time and brought the yucky spirit of contention to simply explain that you didn't want pickles. all of us waiting agreed that you were unclear. we just couldn't tell you for fear you'd try to knock one of us out. everything else but hold the pickles. your english sucked my friend. and you didn't get to 'have it your way'.

what matters most

i'm gonna echo my fellow bloggers' sentiments of these past few days. this weekend has been a great one. i got to witness and enjoy one of my dearest friend's wedding. friendships were rekindled and strengthened, laughs were shared, stories told and memories made. short but precious time was spent together. good times were had.

as i age and experience this solitary and reflective stage of my life, i am convinced that relationships are what matter most. sure the boat, the beautiful house, the fun cars, clothes, shoes, botox (never had it), lipo (want it), and boobs (check) are nice to have but they rot, break, tear, wear, and sag. those things don't last but relationships can and do. forever even.

and what's even better? relationships with those we love and trust are what get us through the toughest of tough times and make the joyous of life's experiences complete and utter euphoria. no matter what stage of life we are in, we can strengthen and lift one another, comfort and soothe one another, and my personal favorite, laugh with one another. i hope i can spend the rest of my days remembering to nurture the relationships i currently have along with the ones that will develop.

surprise revealed


el fin

i finally finished it!!!
my first watercolor.
sorry noelle.
i couldn't hold it in much longer!
thanks again for yet another push.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

surprise

for the next few days, i'm limiting my time on the computer for a surprise...

Monday, March 8, 2010

sleep deprived

i need more sleep or i'll lose my job. the less sleep i get the less likely i am to wake with enough time to go thru my morning routine of shower, dress, dry hair, tinker on the computer, run out the door. the less time i have for that, the more often i'm late.

also, the less sleep i get, the more likely i am to fall asleep at my desk. that's right, i doze off. and i do it quite frequently. even when it gets busy. see, my job doesn't require much brain usage. at least the part that would require me to stay alert, problem solve, or use some creativity. i could probably do my job in my sleep. however, i cannot perform the tasks in the state that i'm often in. the state of trying to stay awake while nodding off.

i have made mistakes. the most recent being last friday. i input weights that were way off the numbers indicated by shippers. and my errors were caught. i looked at the notes on the paper i was getting my information from and i see chicken scratch. the letters are barely legible. i bet i was just about to hit REM sleep or something.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

communication

i gave the lesson in young womens today about improving communication skills. i think it went pretty well. i feel that the manuals are so great. they are truly inspired and they take all the work out of teaching. it's also a quiet miracle to watch how the spirit works in teaching and bringing all things to one's memory. watching the girls' wheels turn and having them share how the lesson pertains to their individual and very personal lives brings me joy.

i know that the young women program is inspired. this calling is a blessing in my life. i love it. i love the girls i serve and the women with whom i serve. i'm learning a lot from them and couldn't imagine myself in any other place at this time in my life.

rockband

i once was an addict but now i'm a social player. but when the social playing of rockband occurs, i feel the addiction ever so close. instrument of choice: drums. favorite song: all the fast ones. level: hard.

i miss my first band members consisting of the bonifazios. marianne (lead guitarist), i hope you're recovering and doing well. my thoughts and prayers are with you. macey and michael, when mar gets back, LET'S ROCK!!!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

this one's for the guys

so i went to the mall today. easy, easy. the only money i spent was on the gas to get there. i had a fat gift card to use up so that was pretty wonderful. anyway, i did notice something that made me smile and chuckle inside-after seeing myself in a bikini bottom (yikes).

macy's was having a bit of a sale today. so naturally, women were there. i did see men as well. some of these men looked like they may have been partial to men but there were a select few who definitely liked ladies, in fact i knew they loved their women.

how did i know that they loved their women? they were out shopping and it wasn't valentine's day. well, they weren't actually doing the shopping. they were sitting, dazed, looking lost, or fast asleep on the randomly placed upholstered chairs of the department store's floor. each chair i happened to pass by was taken... by men.

the first filled chair (next to the petite section) had an older man completely passed out. he seemed to have found a comfortable enough position as the right side of his face along with his right shoulder were pressed against the chair's back. as i perused the sale rack of dresses my eye caught another chair next to a mirrored column. again, another sleeping man. this guy was trying to play it cool though. and he was doing a good job at it. surely he was a biker or a muscle car man. his head, razor-shaved along with his fairly kempt goatee, led me to this conclusion. black oakley glasses covered his eyes as he reclined. the large tan coach bag with lime green leather trim guarded under his legs added to his coolness. as i made my way to the fitting room, i saw a third male sitting in a chair. this one was fully awake. his eyes were bulging and he looked so lost and out of his element. with his back against the dressing room wall his eyes roamed all over the place. i initially perceived him as creepy, but the previous men softened my judgments to endearing.

good men. decent men. patient men. men who love their women. this one's for you.

save me from poverty

i need a man or i'll go broke. i have come to the conclusion that if i don't get a man soon, i will continue to shop out of boredom or necessity. if i have nobody with whom to spend my time, energies, share my deepest thoughts or listen to his, and enjoy the drudgery of the day to day, i find myself spending money. which reminds me, off to target to buy my niece a birthday present!

Friday, March 5, 2010

to buy or not to buy.

i heart shoes.

i just do.

i don't why i do

or how NOT to love them.

what is it with shoes?

why do they tempt me so?

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

letters and lipids

today has been a full day. i didn't even nap. work was busy but i managed to email my pen pal in duluth (hi nick) about 50 times or more. after work, i worked out pretty hard as i've not exercised all week. did core synergistics on p90x and then ran 3 miles on the treadmill. ward mission meeting followed the workout and now, i should be in bed, but i'm not. had to facebook, check ldslinkup and now blog.

nick thinks i should write about my athletic goals for 2010 or my plans. please see my entry entitled 'something to look forward to' for my plans. i told him one of my goals is to have tummy lipo. cop out, i know but i SO want a sweet stomach, without the crazy hard work it would take like totally restricting my diet and continuing to engage in intense exercise (something i think i'm already doing).

i've never had a ripped stomach. even as an adolescent. i have always been playing one sport or another as a kid and through college. soccer, volleyball, or whatever but the baby fat on the stomach has never melted away; it has grown. muffin top and back fat have also seemed to find
unwelcome lodging in my midsection and i'm about over it.

Monday, March 1, 2010

creepy caller

i had a creepy caller in the month of february and now march. from my caller i.d., he has called about 8 times. the name that comes up on the screen is 'private caller'. if i turn up missing, i have given some of my friends the name of the person i think may be responsible.

saturday, 2/27, at about 3:20 in the morning was the one and only time i have spoken to this person. his cowardly voice (altered by an electronic voice changer) gives me reason to believe that we have met. i am not afraid. i am more bothered and ready to do some damage if harassed again. this is about the time to reveal that hell hath no fury... i don't care if the phrase doesn't exactly apply.

to this creep who doesn't have the cajones to use his real voice to communicate, i say 'bring it!' in answer to your question of what i was wearing, no, i wasn't in my pajama's... yet. and if you wanted me to play along, i would've said, 'what would you like me to be wearing before i cut off your manhood?'

the end.

i should not have watched the bachelor finale. thanks angela. now i am extra ticked.