again, dreams

i dream a lot.  everyone does.  but i often remember my dreams for a short while after.  the bothersome thing i am finding is that the feelings and emotions i experience while dreaming seem to spill over into my reality after awaking from them.

when i was married i recall having a dream where i became frustrated with my husband at the time. when i awoke from that dream i shared it with him and continued or began to act in frustration toward him. i now cannot remember the details of the dream but my reaction to it was wacky.

more recently i have had strange dreams that have left me puzzled.  extremely puzzled.  i have dreamed of pregnancy.  i have never had dreams of pregnancy before.  in the past i have had dreams of a little girl and a baby boy who i knew were mine but never about being pregnant with them.  so at present, as a single mormon without any children nor courting suitors, i find it strange to be having these dreams.

the first dream about it also included a hysterectomy or the removal of a vital part of my reproductive plumbing.  after having that dream i immediately made a long overdue appointment for a yearly exam.  that dream concerned me a little.  the second time i dreamt about it is very foggy but i know that i was pregnant.  my feelings were of acceptance, and contentment.  nothing overly excited nor shocked.

so i started looking up what dreams of pregnancy mean and they seem to be positive. i don't know how much to really believe what i read but essentially they mean bringing things, ideas, maybe even feelings to life. and i like that.  what is it inside of me that i'm trying to give birth to?  what is it inside of me that i want to grow and develop?  i have yet to figure that out.  but i can say that i am glad that i dream. i am glad that i can and am being encouraged to grow, develop, and learn.

does dating have to be a game?

curse the 'dating game' for making the phrase even a possibitlity. 

i think it's time to go private...

or create another blog for my eyes only and the few i trust to read my thoughts and experiences because i have things i need to vent, share and just plain get out of my system!

so, if you're THAT interested, please post or text me your email addresses and if i deem you worthy to access the inner workings of my soul, you'll be added to my private blog.

great expectations?

when i first became single again a good friend told me this...
'you will find that people you don't like will like you and the people who you like won't like you. i don't know what's worse?'

i'm finding that the first is probably worse. only because you can control how you react to the fact that someone you find attractive doesn't like you. i mean, i've dealt with that all my life. i have liked boys who don't reciprocate the same feelings. and i've come away Ok and tougher.

i don't think that my list of non-negotiable must-haves is impossible but it IS specific to me. it's almost programmed into me. because try as i may, i can't force myself to be physically attracted to someone i'm not.

additionally, if i find a man physically attractive and his feelings for me are mutual, that doesn't mean we're clear for take-off. i must get to know what makes him the man that he is. i need to be able to shoot the breeze with relative ease. i need to know that chivalry is not dead. i want to be pursued and occassionally romanced. i want my hand held, my hair caressed, my cheeks and forehead kissed. i must know that he has a deep abiding love for God and His plan, and that no matter how crappy life may get he's going to stick around.

i am still hopeful.

g g s

groceries, gas, singles activities.

this is my new spending policy. i am tired of 'wasting' my hard-earned money on frivilous meals, uninteresting outings with turkeys and spending my precious time with non-e.c. (eternal companion) material. i am sorry but this is how i feel. call me selfish and snobby but i need to take a stand. time is precious and so are my resources. i know what i'm worth and i'm done putting up with turkeys. i'm ready for my eagle.

'29 March 2011 Jordan battles to regain 'priceless' Christian relics'

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-12888421
(click on the title of this entry to be directed to the above link)

why does this find strike me as something important to include in my blog?

1) aside from the book of mormon, i don't ever recall hearing of any record, book, piece of literature written on metal pages.

2) these metal books were bound with metal rings and even sealed with rings as well.

3) although it doesn't prove the truthfulness of the book of mormon, of which i have no doubt of it's validity, these books open the world up to the fact that ancient records were in fact made on metal pages or plates. :)

"Our religion will not clash with nor contradict the facts of science in any particular."
— Brigham Young

secret admirer lost

this being an amorous day, i couldn't help but think of some of the oddest but sweet events of my life. one in particular comes to mind. mind you, this happened over 10 years ago so the details are pretty cloudy.

it was the summer of '99. i was home from byu working 2 jobs. i worked at big canyon country club as a hostess/server and at nbc's dreamcastle marketing in burbank as an intern. by this time, i had met my ex-husband in the el dorado singles ward i was attending and had gone on a few dates with him.

one particular morning as i was getting ready to head to work, i went to my car parked on the street in front of the house and found deep red velvet petals sprinkled all over my white '89 honda accord. i had no idea who had placed the rose petals on the car. just rose petals lay all over the hood, roof and trunk of the car, nothing else. i looked at the rose bushes our front yard to see if they had been disturbed. they had not. my mind raced to think of every possible culprit. i wondered if it was one of my brothers many admirers (no worries betsy. kris was in micronesia), a very secret admirer i had never known about, someone whom i had just been introduced to in the home ward, or my ex.

to this day i don't know who placed those petals on the car but my ex reaped the rewards of such a sweet and thoughtful act. he was honest in admitting that it was not his doing but was grateful it was done. i still wonder. i wonder if i'll ever find out who the petal sprinkler was...

better late than never

i don't know why i've procrastinated in aiding my grandmother on her journey but i have. i guess i wanted my mother to be able to help her too, if she wanted. but because i started her work and already had the paperwork, i was able to go to the temple once again for lola.

yesterday was a beautiful day. for me it started out with a televised world-wide leadership meeting. from salt lake city, the general authorities and leaders of the lds church had a follow-up meeting regarding the new handbook. our meeting was held in the chapel of my stake meetinghouse. i didn't realize it was a meeting for all the auxiliaries so i showed up in jeans and my black leather riding boots. i was apprehensive to go into the chapel dressed as i was but my bishop assured me i was still welcome. i am glad i stayed as i was able to feast at the feet of great men and women. the church leaders are really in it for the salvation of mankind.

i had planned to go to the temple yesterday, i just didn't know when. my tentative plans were to visit the new girls entering into our beehives class. but conflicting schedules with my beehive president and first counselor forced us to make the visits today. the temple was next on my list and i eventually made it there.

i ran into a good friend in the changing room and caught up with her life. after which, i proceeded to do more of my grandmother's temple work. i felt extremely happy, at peace, and felt tremendous joy while i was at the temple. i knew lola was thankful. i knew she was aware of what i was doing. and i felt like she was accepting and excited for the fact that i was doing this vicarious work for her. the feeling of peace, joy and warmth that constantly surrounded me while in the temple gave me reason to believe this was the case.