he who is without sin, cast the first stone

i have a new found respect for humanity.  i think that in general, people are good, lenient, and compassionate. i have seen glimpses of the qualities i believe our Maker would possess... and why not?  why would we not have within us the goodness, mercy, justice, and light of our Creator?

it was more apparent to me after serving on a jury for the past 6 days.  14 people (2 alternates) of different backgrounds, races, socioeconomic status, etc. were chosen to serve as jurors.  all had empathy and showed it in their own way.  i was appreciative of their examples.  nobody seemed to judge the other.  all were friendly.

but what struck me the most was how difficult it was for us to find a man guilty of a serious and grievous crime...(guilty or not so much) of first degree murder.  the burden of doing so weighed heavy on each of us.  many erred on the side of caution for the obvious reason of wrongful conviction but some hoped for a better outcome/chance for the defendant. so we wanted to be extra sure before making a final decision.  tears were shed and great emotion was expressed in deliberation.  consideration was shown toward a person none of us knew but felt a sadness for, a man found guilty.

again, dreams

i dream a lot.  everyone does.  but i often remember my dreams for a short while after.  the bothersome thing i am finding is that the feelings and emotions i experience while dreaming seem to spill over into my reality after awaking from them.

when i was married i recall having a dream where i became frustrated with my husband at the time. when i awoke from that dream i shared it with him and continued or began to act in frustration toward him. i now cannot remember the details of the dream but my reaction to it was wacky.

more recently i have had strange dreams that have left me puzzled.  extremely puzzled.  i have dreamed of pregnancy.  i have never had dreams of pregnancy before.  in the past i have had dreams of a little girl and a baby boy who i knew were mine but never about being pregnant with them.  so at present, as a single mormon without any children nor courting suitors, i find it strange to be having these dreams.

the first dream about it also included a hysterectomy or the removal of a vital part of my reproductive plumbing.  after having that dream i immediately made a long overdue appointment for a yearly exam.  that dream concerned me a little.  the second time i dreamt about it is very foggy but i know that i was pregnant.  my feelings were of acceptance, and contentment.  nothing overly excited nor shocked.

so i started looking up what dreams of pregnancy mean and they seem to be positive. i don't know how much to really believe what i read but essentially they mean bringing things, ideas, maybe even feelings to life. and i like that.  what is it inside of me that i'm trying to give birth to?  what is it inside of me that i want to grow and develop?  i have yet to figure that out.  but i can say that i am glad that i dream. i am glad that i can and am being encouraged to grow, develop, and learn.

does dating have to be a game?

curse the 'dating game' for making the phrase even a possibitlity. 

i think it's time to go private...

or create another blog for my eyes only and the few i trust to read my thoughts and experiences because i have things i need to vent, share and just plain get out of my system!

so, if you're THAT interested, please post or text me your email addresses and if i deem you worthy to access the inner workings of my soul, you'll be added to my private blog.

great expectations?

when i first became single again a good friend told me this...
'you will find that people you don't like will like you and the people who you like won't like you. i don't know what's worse?'

i'm finding that the first is probably worse. only because you can control how you react to the fact that someone you find attractive doesn't like you. i mean, i've dealt with that all my life. i have liked boys who don't reciprocate the same feelings. and i've come away Ok and tougher.

i don't think that my list of non-negotiable must-haves is impossible but it IS specific to me. it's almost programmed into me. because try as i may, i can't force myself to be physically attracted to someone i'm not.

additionally, if i find a man physically attractive and his feelings for me are mutual, that doesn't mean we're clear for take-off. i must get to know what makes him the man that he is. i need to be able to shoot the breeze with relative ease. i need to know that chivalry is not dead. i want to be pursued and occassionally romanced. i want my hand held, my hair caressed, my cheeks and forehead kissed. i must know that he has a deep abiding love for God and His plan, and that no matter how crappy life may get he's going to stick around.

i am still hopeful.

g g s

groceries, gas, singles activities.

this is my new spending policy. i am tired of 'wasting' my hard-earned money on frivilous meals, uninteresting outings with turkeys and spending my precious time with non-e.c. (eternal companion) material. i am sorry but this is how i feel. call me selfish and snobby but i need to take a stand. time is precious and so are my resources. i know what i'm worth and i'm done putting up with turkeys. i'm ready for my eagle.

'29 March 2011 Jordan battles to regain 'priceless' Christian relics'

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-12888421
(click on the title of this entry to be directed to the above link)

why does this find strike me as something important to include in my blog?

1) aside from the book of mormon, i don't ever recall hearing of any record, book, piece of literature written on metal pages.

2) these metal books were bound with metal rings and even sealed with rings as well.

3) although it doesn't prove the truthfulness of the book of mormon, of which i have no doubt of it's validity, these books open the world up to the fact that ancient records were in fact made on metal pages or plates. :)

"Our religion will not clash with nor contradict the facts of science in any particular."
— Brigham Young