Memorize

 Another dream has prompted this post.  Before the harsh alarm went off this morning I recall being frustrated and helpless. I was in a group of young to middle-aged people.  Maybe we were all dressed in white?  Maybe they were sheets or togas?  But all were supposed to memorize what seemed to be scripture verses.  Only in my waking hours do the words not sound familiar in any verse of scripture I've read.  Something about our feet being bathed in his tears is all I can remember. 

We were to memorize and each take turns to recite, in front of a few, these verses before moving on.  Almost as actors but strangely with fierce conviction and understanding of what we rehearsed. I was confident I had learned and memorized the part but when it came time to speak, my mind was blank.  After a few prompts from the small audience, I still could not recall the words I thought I had been able to visualize. In my state of frustration and maybe a tad bit of embarrassment the alarm blared and I was still struggling to remember. I wanted to remember the verses and then the dream.  

What came next was an immense need to memorize something.  The new Young Women Theme popped into mind.  I pulled it up on my phone and I began to read, memorize and learn it.  The night before I had been wallowing in a mire of mud aimlessly searching for another Christmas movie or romcom to entertain.  I was missing Jared who is working so hard to get mom's home half renovated before he returns home in time for Christmas. I thought of Amanda, Jared's daughter, still struggling with the divorce of her parents, learning to be her own person and develop her own understanding of the world at the young age of 17.  This theme was for me.  It was an empowering recollection of what I had known and promised.  It was also for her; even if she didn't want to believe it.  I hope one day she does learn and understand its significance.  I hope I can always remember and recite this... even just to myself. 

   I am a 

BELOVED DAUGHTER 

of heavenly parents, with a

divine nature and eternal destiny.

As a disciple of Jesus Christ, I strive to be like Him.

I seek and act upon personal revelation 

and minister to others in His holy name. 

I will stand as a witness of God

at all times and in all things and in all places.

As I strive to qualify for exaltation,

I cherish the gift of repentance 

and seek to improve each day.

With faith, I will strengthen my home and family, 

make and keep sacred covenants,

and receive the ordinances and blessings 

of the holy temple.

This past weekend I drove down to Brian Head to meet Leta and snowboard. I didn't hear or know if snow was in the forecast but the roads seemed pretty clear and I wanted out of the valley of pollution. So I headed south and found smooth, clear roads. Going 80-85 mph I made it down a little before  9. When I turned off the Parowan exit I saw a Family Dollar store and stopped to pick up some snacks for the day on the mountain. The store was about to close so I found my time of arrival perfect. I spent a about 10 mins in the store, left and proceeded up the mountain to the resort. I passed signs that read snow chains required if lights are blinking. The signs remained unlit so I wasn't worried. As I continued to climb, snow was falling and less than 3 miles from my destination there was about an inch of snow on the ground. The cars ahead began to slow. Most pulled over with their hazard lights blinking . In my naivety and bravado I slowly passed the cars on my right and soon found my tires spinning with no traction. I was afraid and nervous that I'd be stuck or worse, start sliding. I pulled over the side of the road as the others had, turned on my hazards and called Leta. She quickly answered. I told her I was scared and stuck on the side of the mountain. She asked where I was and then said that she recognized my car ahead. "I'm gonna rescue you," she said. We made a plan to drive really slow down the mountain to park my car and then drive back up. I turned around cautiously, scared I'd slide off the side of the mountain but never did. I made my way down slowly and parked at the condos at the very bottom of the mountain. Two things were clear to me that evening. The distinct need/want to stop at the dollar store delaying my ascent and the fact that Leta had cell service at the time I called her. She had not had service most of the climb up. Those were tender mercies shown by the Lord.

doors closing

i woke up and went about my usual routine this morning.  clicked on the pandora app after briefly scanning through new facebook posts.  this day was different however.  it would be my last day of work with ccla- cosco container lines americas. as i stood by the sink this realization draped over me like a raincoat, stifling but bearable.

during my somber ride to work, the sun shone brightly, and all was beautiful. tears were near the surface, i never thought this day would come-even when i learned of the office closure in july.  i don't believe that 'all good things must come to an end'. must they? is it human nature to put off the inevitable? 

dear single lds men over 30,

dear single lds men over 30,

please keep trying.
please don't give up.
be the person you're looking for and the odds of finding her are hugely in your favor.
please

a child's prayer

about every sunday i end up hanging out with one of my favorite families. i love it. sometimes dinner, always stories and most of the time delicious homemade chocolate chip cookies.

over a month ago i helped put six year old aj to bed.  he was allowed one bedtime story and was advised by mom to offer up a good prayer.  after i read the clever pop-up book 'winter's tale' we chatted a little and i kneeled at his bedside.  aj wanted to continue chatting but i asked him to begin his prayer because my knees began to hurt against the wood floor.  he quickly started praying (this is from my memory so it's not completely accurate).

Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for this day.
Thank you for my family and friends and presents. (he just had a birthday. but here comes the good part.)

Please bless that North Korea will be a safe country some day...
and that they will have a good leader.

Please bless that my car won't get stolen.  (he just got a power wheel from mom and dad)
Please bless that no robbers will come into anyone's houses. (i was dying and waited to hear more but not much else came.)

In the name of Jesus Christ,
Amen.

as of late

wow, it's been over a year, maybe two, since i've posted an entry. life has been good.  i cannot complain.  i've done a bit of traveling since my last post. however, there is a sense of boredom and a little space of emptiness in the activity as i have yet to find someone with whom i care to share the sights and experiences travel brings.  the travel bug comes and goes and right now it has left me.  trips will always arise and i'm thankful for that. 

i've been doing a lot of exercise by way of triathlon training. in april i'll be racing for the first time in approximately 6 years. suffering from bunions has limited my ability to run.  i don't complain too much as running is my least favorite portion of triathlon.  swim training has been fun and necessary. i swim with a great group of people and really enjoy the coaches at the henderson multigeneration pool. i don't want to drown so the more comfortable i feel in the pool will hopefully mean i'm a bit more calm in the open water.  i'm doing max testa training on the bike with some great athletes in town.  it's been quite challenging but rewarding as well. 

on a completely different note.. i listen to pandora with one earbud everyday at work. i have to keep the other ear free to hear my co-workers or answer the phone.  katy perry and sting are my most listened to stations followed by the killers and temper trap. my favorite musical artist as of late is sara bareilles.  i don't care if i sound creeperish but i think we could be kindred spirits.  her music and lyrics are genius and beautiful. they are mostly about love, relationships, and heart break.  but really, what song isn't? all i know is that she has to be either super sensitive or terrible at choosing her lovers. Her songs of heartache are so sad, deeply feeling and incredibly descriptive.  but one song called 'the light' has really appealed to me. it's actually a positive one. and i love it right now because i feel it resembles my current state or more so the state i wish to be in.  i'm ready to follow a righteous man into 'the light'... come what may.  enjoy!

in the morning it comes, heaven sent a hurricane
not a trace of the sun but I don't even run from rain
beating out of my chest, my heart is holding on to you
from the moment I knew
from the moment I knew

you’re the air in my breath filling up my love-soaked lungs
such a beautiful mess intertwined and overrun
nothing better than this, knowing that the storm can come
you feel just like the sun
just like the sun

and if you say, “we’ll be alright”
i'm gonna trust you, babe
i'm gonna look in your eyes
and if you say, “we’ll be alright”
i'll follow you into the light

never mind what I knew, nothing seems to matter now
ooh, who I was without you, I can do without
no one knows where it ends, how it may come tumbling down
but I'm here with you now
i'm with you now

and if you say, “we’ll be alright”

i'm gonna trust you, babe

i'm gonna look in your eyes
and if you say, “we’ll be alright”
i'll follow you into the light

let the world come rush in
come down hard, come crushingall I need is right here beside me
i'm all love i swear it 
so take my love and and wear it over your shoulders

and if you say, “we’ll be alright”
i'm gonna trust you, babe
i'm gonna look in your eyes
and if you say, “we'll be alright”
i'll follow you into The Light

The Light

The Light

memorial weekend 2012

for the past 3 days i've been in and out of bed with a cold and flu.  i have no idea where it came from as i haven't heard of anyone else having it. at first i thought it was just a bad bout of allergies, going from a more humid southern california for the hb conference and then back to desert dusty las vegas.  i've thought of places i could have picked up the virus and just now i recall that one of the last times i've gotten this sick, i was also in a rental car driving hundreds of miles to a singles gathering.  i have deduced that i need to sanitize my rental cars and go to these events loaded up on vitamins and hand sanitizer.  or figure something else out.

i am more introspective and pensive when i'm sick. counting of sheep has never worked but this time thinking of how my ailing body works, specifically attempting to visualize how my mucus-obstructed lungs exchange oxygen into my blood as i breathe deeply, finally puts me to sleep. one of my last waking thoughts is one of awe and wonder.  how could the human body possibly develop and come to be by chance?

thursday evening my body was aching all over. even behind my knees.  i kept waking up, going to the bathroom and then struggling a bit to fall back asleep. when i couldn't take insomnia any longer, i asked Heavenly Father to please help me sleep.  I begged him out loud promising that i wouldn't attempt to make it to duck, nc this weekend for another singles gathering. i felt a little tingle in my upper body and i was out.

yesterday i had a bit of energy to get out of the house and make a fun purchase at rei.  their anniversary sale is going on and i've been meaning to pick up this solar charger for my emergency kit. it was on sale and i had my dividend to use so i made my way to the district at green valley and did a little shopping.

while in the car, i was listening to npr.  they had a special on for this memorial weekend.  veterans and people who had close interactions with people in the military were telling stories of their experiences.  i found myself shedding tears while listening to a former p.o.w.'s torture and eventual release. the details of his words painted pictures in my mind that i'm certain could not have come close to his reality.  his voice sounded like a gentle grandfather but he had been through hell and back.  seeing fellow soldiers and p.o.w.'s killed right next to him and losing a close friend in his arms as he fed his emaciated body were a couple of things he shared.

these people were real.  they were alive.  some still are.  i have not experienced anything like war and it is because of them.  i am thankful for them.  i am thankful for the men and women who serve in the military.  i am humbled by their sacrifice and by their courage.  i cannot fathom their griefs nor their struggles but i can honor them with my gratitude and allegiance to this blessed country. may we ever be worthy of God's blessings.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-18563_162-57437366/with-thousands-of-flags-honoring-fallen-heroes-hes-never-met/?tag=showDoorFlexGridRight;SunMoImageStack